I wish I could just vanish, or run away and hide.

But wherever I go whatever I do this feeling stay inside.

I feel so worthless, I feel so weak.

I feel so empty; I don’t know what to seek.

I want to cry, but there are no more tears,

Only pain, sorrow and so much fear.

Yes I’m afraid, I’ve been afraid all my life.

Afraid not to fall or do things which aren’t right.

Just so you know I’ve never been perfect.

I’ve been a failure or a mistake whatever you call it.

I’m quitting this life just like the rest.

But I want you all to be at your best.

I love you all, I’m sorry if I’m being selfish.

I just don’t know what to do, I feel so helpless.

I pray to God, that he will help me.

Or if not at least He’ll forgive me.

For I’ve been a quitter, a quitter of life.

I’ve been a sinner and I’ve done nothing right.

All I ever wanted was not to be alone,

I know I’m not, but there’s something going on.

Inside me, I feel so lonely

Feels like no one is appreciating me.

I love my family, that’s all I know.

They are my life, my heart and my soul.

I don’t want to see them crying.

Nor I never wanted to see them suffering.

In this world where others are gold and some are waste,

I wish I can all take them to a happy place.

Mama, please come, I miss you badly.

Each day and night, I wait for you sadly.

For all you’ve done to us, I want to say thank you.

I’m sorry for this, and I deeply love you.

Papa, for everything I said I hope you forgive me.

We love you and we know you love your family.

Be strong for them, they still need you.

You are our father, and we always love you.

Ate Sendy, take care of your daughter, my neice.

I love you and I love her, send her my kiss.

If religion is true, then I can never be her angel.

But I will guarantee you that I’m always watching her.

I will miss her smile, her pretty face.

I wish she grows up well and full of grace.

I know she will, coz you will take good care for her.

She’ll grow up strong and face problems for real.

Take good care of yourself, reach for the star.

Pursue your dreams; I know you’ll go far.

Ate Yeng, I love you and I will miss you.

Stay strong in everything, that’s what I’ve known you.

I know you never give up, no matter how hard it is.

I hope God will grant whatever you wish.

Stay strong for them; you will need each other’s arm.

And in times of cold, I want you to always keep warm.

I will just be here, I’m not going anywhere.

Wherever you go, I will always be here.

Josh, I want you all the best.

Just always study hard and everything will do the rest.

I always love you, since the day you were born.

Until now, the day that I’m gone.

Just bear in mind, that I’m not really gone.

Just my presence and my shadows under the sun.

For all I know, that I’m always in your heart.

And by that, no one will keep us apart.

I wrote this poem with all my heart,

I love you all, but my world is dark.

The stormy nights I feel so alone

And all those battles I never won.

For I am weak, I easily give up

My voice is gone, and my future is rough.

I see nothing ahead of me

Only dark clouds and a major calamity.

These past few months, you were with me.

My sky are fair, I feel so happy.

But night comes I made mistake.

I wish I could bring back time and I could retake.

I wish the best in everything you do.

God is always beside you.

He will take good care of his sweet little child.

The child I’ve little known but he’s here in my heart.

You made me feel how to be a father.

And I’ll take good care of you just like a mother.

I’m sorry, but I have to leave.

Though I know you never really care but I still believe.

To all my friends, who’s dear to me.

I’m sorry guys, just pray for me.

I can never really tell all my problems in all of you.

I just wish all the happiness in all you do.

Those times we shared I will always treasure

The day we meet is always my pleasure.

I reminisce all the times we have

And it always put a smile in my heart.

To all who cares thank you so much.

Same to all who don’t and doesn’t care much.

But yeah, here I go again, I’m still lying.

So here are for those who make a hell out of my living.

Why? Why is there much pain I feel?

Are this melancholic sadness for real?

Can you call it some kind of a depression?

That makes me feel I’m in a world of oblivion?

Will you cry if I am gone?

Or will you laugh and said that it’s all done?

Will you cringe at the sight of me dead?

Or just forget it instead?

Who cares for me beside my family?

None. Who the hell am I, what’s with it really?

I just want to be appreciated that’s all I asked.

Is it hard to give back, I’m not asking it fast.

I can wait, I can wait forever.

Just tell me and I could do so much better.

But all those noise that’s been ringing my ear.

And all those silence I would like to hear.

This is the reason why I want to leave.

A simple reason that’s hard to achieve.

A simple TRUE smile and I’ll be fine.

But I’ll I see is your back and said none.

When I care for someone, it’s unconditionally.

It last forever and eternally.

And again a simple smile will make my day

If you’ve got none, well that’s ok.

I will never be ok, that’s the truth.

I will never be fine from head to foot.

I will never be happy under a burning rain.

I will never be, if I will then when?

When will my star shine bright?

When will the light on the end of the tunnel be at my sight?

When will I enjoy the pouring rain?

When will all this thinking come out my brain?

Oh God, please stop me that’s all I ask.

My mind is so negative, I could not last.

I could not last a day or two.

With this emptiness I have with you.

Can I ask you something, are you really real?

If this is a test, then I fail.

Is it a sin to have a lonely heart?

Then tell me please, make it stop!

I don’t want to leave all my love behind.

Bring back the happy days, let’s all rewind.

And I will change whatever right now

If only that’s possible well do it now.

But with all this weaknesses I have inside

I want to quit now, I cannot ride.

Ride the entire test you have in me.

Seriously, I just want to be free.

Death is what inside my mind

Escape is what I try to find.

A way to try and let it go

Of the hurt I feel inside my shoe.

Of running with my legs all broken

Of walking with feet all tired and swollen.

With a heart that won’t stop and keep on beating

Blood and tears is what it’s pumping.

How I tried to walk away

How I wish that I just swept away.

Of this rainy days in summertime.

Of this poem I had that must have rhyme.

Rhyme that what lacks my life.

Life that’s overflowing with love.

Love that never will be mine.

Death I had in summertime.

How I wish that this thing ain’t happening.

Wish I woke up and it’s just a dream.

A bad dream we called a nightmare.

Wish it was just like this so I could stay.

But it was not, it’s all happening.

Like in a movie I keep on wondering.

Why must a soul suffer like this?

Why can he or she just rest?

When I’m dead, I would be like in a movie.

My soul will wander like a living so free.

I will stay inside our home sweet home.

Be not afraid, coz I won’t do any wrong.

I will guard my family while they’re sleeping.

I will sleep with them just like then when I’m living.

We will be united as a family.

We’ll going to live together forever and free.

I’m sorry if I had to end up like this.

My mind is blowing and my heart is still beating.

Beating so loud, thumping my rib cage.

Of anger and oblivion beating so rage.

Move on, that’s all I’m asking.

Be careful, that’s all I’m praying.

Right now in this cold afternoon.

I’m saying goodbye and see you soon.

Like we’re going to meet? No we’re not.

I will be in hell, burning in hot.

You’ll be in heaven praying for me.

This is our fate and it all should be.

I’m still hoping that God will help me.

Sending somebody that will stop me.

But if not then it’s my destiny.

Of sadness that goes on for eternity.

So this is it, I’m saying goodbye.

I’m sorry and I love you all but I have to die.

A weakling and a sinner like me should not be living.

On a happy place I go on weeping.

I’m sorry; forgive me, that all I’m asking.

In the time of my death I will be praying.

Praying for all of you that you have to keep going.

Forget me soon, and keep on living.

It hurts a lot to say goodbye,

But I don’t know what to do, that’s all I cry.

I’m helpless and hopeless, I’m weak and afraid.

That’s it goodbye, enough said.

I’m sorry, I love you all… but goodbye.

I want you all to go on living,

Though I am dead, my heart is still beating.

RANDY SILVANO SALES

But i wouldn’t care nmn, i mean, gusto q nmn cya, it’s just that sometime, i’m kinda fed up with all this (i won’t mention her/him) but she’s getting annoying from time to time. She/He has problem, she/he has to be nice nmn to everyone, karma as I call it. But anyway, forget it, just telling you what i feel right now.

I wanted to go back to school, so badly, but not now, we still got financial problems. In due time, i’m going back to school pag yumaman n kami, lol, malapit n un, just wait. I wanted the course i really really like, the course i really really wanted, which is plenty and i still can’t decide what to choose; photography, journalism, film, design, fine arts, cartooning, anything related to arts. I would never come back to being a nursing student again, i’m not for it, really. I don’t care about the dollars! To hell with it!

But I still get jealous with my former classmates and friends, the way they take it even though like me they really don’t like it. I think I may do the same kung ngpatuloy lng sana aq s pag-aaral, stuck in a course i definitely hate! But would I? Yes I would! My plan is pag nkatapos n q ng nursing, I would go abroad and mag-iipon and go back to school again.

I remember when I’m still on school, pag nag du-duty kami, my first ever patient is a nightmare! I mean not to be rude nmn, i know she’s sick kya cya ganun, but try to be considerate nmn, (siya p dapat ang maging considerate noh? kapal ng muks q tlga! lol) wala lng, just super kaba tlga q non, with the help of my friends nmn, nkaya q nmn cya.

So now, i’m gonna try hard na maiba buhay q, and my family’s life… and see me fly.

But sa una ;lng yun, syempred ko ineexpect eh, my problema kami s lupa and then here meron na naman… but then problema bang maiituturing to?… I started thinking….

No, it’s not. Definitely not. I’m kinda exited nga eh, and i’m so sure that we’re all exited. Papa q, di ko alam, but i’m so sure n oo. Syempre exited cya coz magkaka apo n cya… My younger brother, di ko alam, d nmn cya ngsasalita about it eh, but i know n alam n niya (obvious n eh). My other sister, i can see that she was very much exited. Mama q, dunno… wala cya d2 eh. But sabi nila alam n dw niya.

One thing i really don’t like (or hate) is our mga “chismosa” in our neighborhood. Jeez! 26 n ate q, d n shocking yun noh! But whatever, di naman sila nakaktulong samin eh, why waste time with them d b.

So till right now i’m so exited, sasamahan q ate n mg pa ultrasound sana. Kc my work aq, but i’m sure i will… sana baby boy, kc if girl, medyo maasikaso, but I don’t mind nmn if it’s a gir. We’ll gonna love her/him whatever he/she is, i’m prayin’ its a healthy one, sana po Lord, healthy cya. If it’s a boy, dami qng name n gusto para s kanya.. like spike, miguel, kurt, rock, etc. If girl nmn, i’m still undecided.

But i’m really hoping he/she is healthy, that’s all that matters. And I hope lumaki cya ng mabuti, matalino, at cute, hehe. I want the best for him/her. Lalo n wala siyang daddy, so I will be the daddy for him, so i’ gonna work hard for him/her. Wala aq dito pag nilabas n cya, and she/he welcomes the world, buti n rin nyo, d q ata kya n makita kapatid q n sobrang nasasaktan. But I will be with her, at times n manganganak, praying, hoping everything will be fine, and I know it will.

So i’m praying that lord will stand beside us, stand beside my sister, and my first ever pamangkin, sa mama q miles away sana magpakatatag cya. To everybody I love, hope ok kau lhat. And i’m so exited to welcome our new member of the family.

What can i say about Jhen?
When there’s so much to say.
I’ll try to keep it short and sweet,
Even though i could go on all day.

My “Annoying friend” I’d call her,
the ways that she could tell.
an annoying one with a great big heart…
and a woman of the world!

The life and soul of the party’s
She’d be the first to break the ice,
Walk on the floor, she’d crack a joke,
About anything in life.

Untold poems she’d write
About her feelings on life
Mostly were really funny
While some brought tears to your eyes.

Because behind all that bravado,
There’s another tale to tell…
She’d never had it easy
And at the times her life was hell…

Crying on the inside,
But she didn’t let it show
And if you have just met her..
You wouldn’t even know!

And through her darkest days
when it seemed
her hopes and dreams had gone
she picked herself up and carried on.

And

Somehow she found the strength to survive
Keeping her sense of humor
Holding her head high!

As one of life’s best
I’ll remember you, Jhen…
And picture you back in the day
Hand in hand
Tossing back your hair
And smile upon your face!

Sweet dreams my diamond in the rough
Until we meet again
Memories of you will never fade
With love from…
Your forever friend.